Monday, May 31, 2004

A solemn day of contemplation and remembrance.
 Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 27, 2004

All Dogs Go To Heaven... Don't They? 

Kathie Lee mentioning the End Times prompted me to do a bit of recreational preparation for the Rapture. Always fashion conscious in a manly way, I was relieved to find out that all our clothes are left behind saving me from agonizing over the question of just what exactly should one wear to a rapture.

I found a very useful resource at Rapture Ready but found myself distressed beyond comfort by the side bar link that lead to this page: Do Our Pets Go To Heaven?

Prominent Conservatives have spoken on the subject of the hierarchy of the animal kingdom in relation to God including St. Ann:
"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01
and even fulfilled Jew Dr. "what's unethical about eating an animal?" Laura Schlessinger who goes through house pets like Kleenex.

As much as I admire them both, I still have a hard time believing that God would fail to embrace any living thing. Alas, the key to the mystery is beyond my reach. $8 beyond my reach to be exact. As you can probably guess, making a living from an undisclosed location is quite a challenge so I'm left unable to purchase Mr. James' edifying tract for confirmation one way or another.

Like many of the websites with important, soul-saving information such as World Net Daily, I find wisdom always comes with a price tag. Perhaps this is their clever way to help everyone avoid the camel/needle dilemma. (I also don't quite see the point of purchasing a Rapture Ready t-shirt only to leave the thing in a heap when it's all said and done. Maybe that's just my practical or Scottish side.)

So, unless any of you, mes amis, have purchased said book or have other information, I'll just have to go on faith for now and count my blessings for the protection afforded me by the security system pictured below. Don't let her 9 pounds fool you - one word from me and she'll take down a linebacker and have him for lunch.

The Undisclosed Location's Fearless Guard Dog Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Kathie Lee for Jesus 

A few evenings ago I was relaxing in the undisclosed location and doing so channel surfing when I happened upon Larry King Live. Now usually I don't watch the leftist CNN preferring to get my truth unfiltered and directly from Fox News. Additionally, anyone wearing suspenders makes me highly uncomfortable like I suffering a subtle and prolonged wedgie but my finger snapped away from the channel button with the news that Kathie Lee Gifford would be a guest. Of course like any fan, I was worried how she would stand up under Larry's routine of blistering interrogation and aggressive probing but I'm glad to report that she didn't flinch for a second. My joy was doubled when I realized that she was on the show to promote not just a new album but a book that goes along with it! Yes, "Gentle Grace" is out in CD and book form.

The interview was a rare glimpse into the thoughts of an intelligent, articulate soldier for Jesus. Following a discussion on the prisoner abuse scandal, Larry asked Kathie Lee for her insights:
KING: We can't let the time go by without getting your reaction to what we've just been talking about.

KATHIE LEE GIFFORD, SINGER: Oh, Larry, it's just -- I think it's absolutely sickening to every decent human being, no matter what faith you come from, or if you have no faith at all. Just any decent person is nauseated. I can barely even look at them. I'm just repulsed by them.

And then -- and then we go from the news to watching reality television. I mean, it's just, you know, makes me long for the old "Carol Burnett Show," I got to tell you.
Amen to that. An even more interesting exchange came when she discussed her faith.
KING: This new CD and book, "Gentle Grace," really deals with your faith, right? This is Kathie Lee Gifford, who has always espoused this. You converted to Christianity, is that correct?

GIFFORD: Well, see, because of your Jewish background, you probably think that, Larry, but I've never felt like I converted from Judaism at all, because Jesus was a Jew, and Mary was a Jew, his mother, and all of his first disciples, the first "Christians," in quotes, were Jews.

I just feel like -- I feel like I'm a fulfilled Jew, in the sense that I believe that the messiah has already come. I'm not waiting for him to appear. I believe that the Old Testament scriptures have been fulfilled in his coming, and the rest of the scriptures will someday be fulfilled.
It was certainly a treat to watch guest and host trade hotseats as the unfulfilled Mr. "More Wives Than Solomon" King looked decathlon uncomfortable. Kathie Lee's grace may be gentle but it can still sting.

Friday, May 21, 2004

A Beltway Love Story 


The Gaza Offensive and Helen of Thomas. The woman who launched a thousand evasions.

Cross posted to TAS.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Tulips of Regret 

Well, the march of the Homo-Nazgar invaded Massachusetts yesterday. You can see the horrid, graphic photos of the mayhem here. I couldn't spot any sheep in the photos but I'm sure that contingent is just waiting for the cameras to leave before they start knitting themselves together in "matrimony". How did the world fall so low in such a short period of time? Who is to blame?

Well, this morning's paper gave me the clue to one answer. The Dutch. Yes, the Dutch. Here's a quote from the good Rev. Michael Carl, President of the Heritage Alliance:
"The Dutch boy has removed his finger from that hole in the wall and the flood is getting ready to happen."
I quickly realized Rev. Carl was speaking in CAE (Conservative American English) with a Republican twist. Always sensitive to the nuanced and fragile relationship with the countries of Old Europe, the Righteous choose their words carefully so as not to offend while still making their point clear to the chosen. How else can you explain his use of the word 'wall' when we all know he means 'dyke'. In other words, if the Dutch had been a little more proactive in the deployment of their fingers and practiced a more sophisticated technique instead of the old in and out, perhaps the swelling hoards would be missing a substantial number of their 'feminine' members. Something to remember the next time you go shopping at the garden centre. Shun the symbol of those who turned tulips into four.

Monday, May 17, 2004

When Abstinence Education Goes Awry 

Read about it here.

No bloody wonder they lost the war.

Happy Destruction of Marriage Day! 

The Illinois Family Institute has declared today as "Destruction of Marriage Day." Peter LaBarbera, the dude that gives Concerned Women of America their requisite six inches of authority, lays out the rocky road ahead. Brace yourself for legal and moral confusion folks! Here's what's coming:

- Lawsuits spreading state to state, clogging up the legal system. Polygamists and people with other "orientations" (I'm assuming that means those people who want to marry livestock) will jump on the bandwagon for their "rights".
- Kids will now be given the thumbs up for unsafe sexual practices. They'll also be the target of a marketing campaign and brainwashed to think homomatrimony is just hunky dorey.
- They'll start adopting en mass to swell their ranks, subjecting kids to unbelievable abuse like being taken to school by a lesbian or watching old Betty Davis movies with girly men who like to sit beside each other on the couch.
- African Americans will be insulted by their misguided, selfishness demands for "rights".
- Straight couples will start acting gay and stop getting married like they should.

It's the moral Day After Tomorrow. Now the Boston Tea Party means hairy, extended pinkies, Thai appetizers and sheep fucking. Lord save us all.

Quote of the Weekend 

After a horrendously busy weekend, I took time out to catch up on a bit of reading. I came across this quote and was struck by its distilled wisdom, even when it comes from that fan of gal on gal action, Tucker Carlson.
"A basic tenet of conservatism is that it's much easier to destroy things than to create them - much easier, and more fun, too."
Shame he had to preceed this gem with treason.
" I supported the war and now I feel foolish. I'm just struck by how many people like me who were instinctively distrustful of government forgot to be humble in our expectations. The idea that the federal government can quickly transform the Middle East seems odd to me for a conservative."
Why does Tucker hate America?

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Rumming on empathy, Rumming on.. (with apologies to J. Browne) 

Rummy popped into Baghdad to check things out and give everyone a pep talk. Always a sly fox who appreciates a bit of irony, he announced...
"In recent months, we've seen abuses here, under our responsibility, and it's been a body blow for all of us."
During the visit, it was also announced that a new prison by the end of May (could this mean plasma screen TV's?) and will be named "Camp Redemption".
Redemption re·demp·tion n.
1. The act of redeeming or the condition of having been redeemed.
2. Recovery of something pawned or mortgaged.
3. The payment of an obligation, as a government's payment of the value of its bonds.
4. Deliverance upon payment of ransom; rescue.
5. Christianity. Salvation from sin through Jesus's sacrifice.
Well, that must be music to a Southern Baptist's ears.


Wednesday, May 12, 2004

I can see clearly now... 

Q: you-sa convinca that Zarqawi was responsible for the behead'in, or was this simply just done in his name? there effort underway to find out?

MR. JAR JAR: Jabba, as Mee-sa made clear yesterday, wee-sa pursue those who responsible an' bring them to justice. No, Mee-sa do not have update on who exactly responsible. Apparently, those who claim credit bounty hunt-as tied to the Hutts, as they stata in this video. This was brutal an' barbaric act. It shows the true nature of bounty hunt-as. They have no regard for innocent life.

Our deepest condolences go out to the family of Nicholas Berg. Nicholas Berg was in Naboo to help build okiday future for the Nabooi Gungans. He was there, civilian who was there to help. an' the bounty hunt-as seek to intimidate us, but they not prevail. free an' peaceful Naboo critical to winn'in the war on bounty hunt-a attack. an' the bounty hunt-as understand that when wee-sa prevail in Naboo, an' free an' peaceful Naboo emerges, that significant blow for their efforts.

Q Big Boss Nass, has the President seen the tape of Berg's pound to death, an' does the administration believe that this retribution or revenge for Cloud City abuse of Nabooi prison-as?

MR. JAR JAR: Suzanne, bounty hunt-as change their exsqueezes, or find whatev-a exsqueeze they can to try to carry out their murderous an' evil acts. The bounty hunt-as look for all sorts of exsqueezes to try to justify pound to death an' destruction an' chaos. There no justification for the tak'in of innocent human life. Bounty hunt-as, as wee-sa have seen across the world -- wheth-a it be in Madrid or wheth-a it was at the Alderaan an' the Jedi Council, or in Istanbul or oth-a places -- bounty hunt-as seek to spread fear an' chaos, an' they have no regard for the innocent life of civilians, wheth-a it's men, women or Jawas.

Q Has the President seen the tape?

MR. JAR JAR: No, Mee-sa don-nuh believe he has. He's certainly been briefa on the tape, though.

Q Does he believe that this supports the argument that perhaps those photos of abuse should not be releasa to the public because they might incite furth-a ang-a or violent acts against Wookies?

MR. JAR JAR: Well, there's no question that the acts of small numb-a of Gungans in our warrior do harm. It does not represent the Cloud City. Those actions do not represent the Unita States of Cloud City, nor do they represent the 99.9 percent of our men an' women in the warrior who serv'in with honor an' distinction across the world, includ'in in Naboo.

There more than 200,000 men an' women in our warrior who have serva in Naboo. They there to help the Nabooi Gungans build free an' prosperous future, an' they there to make Cloud City more secure, because free an' peaceful Naboo help transform dangerous region of the world. an' those actions at Abu Ghraib do not represent the Cloud City warrior or their actions that they carry out on daily basis to -- acts of kindness an' decency an' compassion in help'in the Nabooi Gungans.

Q But does the administration believe that prevent'in those additional photos from being releasa to the public may protect Cloud City soldi-as?

MR. JAR JAR: Well, Mee-sa think what the President believes that it's important that wee-sa have open an' transparent process mov'in forward when it comes to these investigations, so that wee-sa can show the world that when acts like this -- shameful acts like this come to our attention, Cloud City addresses them swiftly, an' Cloud City works to bring those responsible to justice, an' wee-sa work to implement steps that prevent someth'in like this from happen'in ever again. So wee-sa show the world through our actions what wee-sa truly committa to. an' it stands in stark contrast to oppressive regimes. an' it stands in stark contrast to bounty hunt-as.


Mee-sa was disgusta an' sad, really sad  

Alright mes soldats en Christ, this is serious. Time to band together and form a prayer blanket of comfort for the First Lady. While the Leftists attempt to distract the public focus away from how well the War on Terrorism is proceeding with kvetching over Senator This and Limbaugh That, the feelings of one poor, lonely woman on Pennsylvania Avenue are being overlooked. In her own words, she addresses the issues of the prisoner photos:
"To be perfectly frank I can’t bear to look at the ones that have been in the newspaper. "It is really, really sad, I mean, it is sad. I think we - we agonise as each of those pictures come out and as we see them. It is a picture we don’t want the rest of the world to have of us."
How much suffering can one woman bear? She doesn't even have the option of a husband who can leave the office behind when he comes home at night. Perhaps that explains the extended stays at Crawford - brief respites from "Mr. President, sign this, Mr. President, we can't find Dick, Mr. President the coalition is having more complications with its complications" 24/7. Perhaps she could take her mind off things with a poetry festival (I'd recommend one where the invited artists are a little better vetted. Maybe St. Ann could be persuaded to postpone her campaign of political witnessing through punditry to take up the mighty sword of Righteous verse.)It might also be wise to extend the absence of newspapers in the Oval Office into the private quarters. Especially now.

As I'm sure you know, the humiliation, abuse, and murder of Iraqi prisoners is being overshadowed by the horrific images of Nick Berg's execution. The terrorists who perpetrated this act are not Iraqis and just happened to be passing through the country after the start of the liberation (unfortunate timing, that), but still, you can't start complicating things with talk of borders, nationalities and who was connected to what group where and when and who was armed with what. It's all the same. As Jar Jar commented yesterday, the video shows "the true nature of the enemies of freedom." Yes, it is a chilling portrait of every single brown-skinned person who hates America.

Update: On an unrelated note, there is no word yet on the possible release of videos or additional examples from the thousands of photos from Abu Ghraib. No matter. The independent actions of a small handful of rambunctious individuals shouldn't be distracting people from the more important matters at hand.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Let the Healing Begin 

Cross posted to TAS.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Let us pray... 

Happy National Prayer Day to mes amis American! I'm afraid it's probably the only time this week that Rummy is being forced to his knees in humility without the use of photographic evidence.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

A Picture's Worth... 

My, oh my. Bonjour again mes amis. I'm afraid that the Liberal virus continues to hold camp in my nose and chest although I'm making some progress on regaining control and stability in the region. It also doesn't help when some so-called "Christians" fail to show up for their witnessing shift at Tim Hortons leaving the rest of us to carry the cross alone.

I always knew that Sister Claire was a loose canon. She comes from a strange background having been spirited away from her post at Our Lady of Perpetual and Joyful Anguish and taken to an undisclosed monastery in the foothills of Quebec. Nine months later she returned to announce she had left the Catholic Church and was joining our ranks. She changed during her time away. Now she is more intense, focused, and she pursues her witnessing with what some might say is an element of anger. I put it down to Righteous outrage that there were so many unsaved souls wandering around like Ritalin kids but still find it somewhat unsettling. She is also displaying a new found aversion, even hostility towards young children. Perhaps it's better she opted for some R & R away from the front lines.

This matter paled in comparison to the recent images we've all been exposed to. Imagine my surprise when I started to lift out of my NyQuil haze and found myself confronted with some boxtop-perched Iraqi dressed up like a cross between the KKK and Dobbie the House Elf! At first I thought Condi-poo had been called back in front of the 911 Commission but the absence of tasteful gold jewelry proved that was not the case. And while some of the other activities filmed such as the naked pyramid wouldn't be out of place at a Club Med resort, the hoods were a bit over the top and for that matter, if they were having that much fun, wouldn't the manly dude with the huge arms be joining in rather than just standing there?

Now disturbing words like 'torture', 'abuse' and 'human rights' are being bandied about as the whole thing gets sucked up by the tornado of partisan politics. On one hand I think that when you're bringing freedom and democracy to brown skinned people, shit can happen sometimes. On the other hand, isn't there an old saying about catching more flies with honey than with chemical lights up their asses?

Some of the good souls in the media are putting on a brave face and trying to put the issue into some kind of perspective. Rush points out that you'd see worse on stage at a Britney concert and that none of it could have been that bad because female soldiers were involved and they are the kinder, gentler race (photos of Saint Ann such as this or this prove that beyond a doubt). Dennis Miller thinks the photos could have bagged a fortune if they had a Robert Mapplethorpe sig under them. I praise ( cough! hack! cough! - sorry, a bit of trouble swallowing there) them for their efforts to not beat this issue into a bloody pulp. (I would have really loved to provide links to the original source for Mad Dog Miller but the evil Leftists don't even give him an online forum let alone a page for his show!) Besides, if this was really important don't you think we would have heard about it months ago?

Still, you've got to wonder. Not embracing Christ can make people jittery and the situation has always been a bit unpredictable. Fighting those who hate freedom is one thing but let's stick with depleted uranium, missiles and collective punishment if we really want to force them into a peaceful, healthy democracy. Time to stop acting like a bunch of teenage girls at a school dance.

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